July 2016- June 2017

Damon, 6: I look like a Frankenguy cuz I have so many booboos!

Damon, singing to "My Country Tis of Thee": I love everybody but Donald Trump!

Damon: what is t-i-r-e-d? Is it "turd"?

The radio is cheerfully playing "It's Beginning to Look A Lot like Christmas" and an indignant Damon comments, "it IS Christmas, you idiot!"

An enthusiastic Damon to Dada: you are a good maker of salsa!

Mama, texting Rita about potential snowfall: Now WTOL is saying three to eight!!!!!
Rita: Tell them to shut it!!!!!

Dada: Liam, I wanted to let you know before you went to school that Donald Trump will be our next President...
Liam, 11: *sigh* Then can we move?

Damon, 6: May I please play on the iPad cuz I'm your cutie and I finished my breakfast?

Dada, teasing Damon, 6: I'm gonna wear you. As my belt. Right here.
Damon, bemoaning: I'll die! I'm not that stretchy!

Carrie, 13, on cologne samples: Woohoo, it's nice! *sniff* *COUGH COUGH*

According to AutoCorrect, Carrie's "Ah forget it, I hate this keyboard" becomes "Ah frog it, I hat this key butt."

Mama to Liam, a bacon-devourer: Bacon doesn't really count as a protein.
Liam: It's MEAT!........ kind of..... okay, it's tasty.

Damon, 6, to Pap: Wo who are you gonna marry next?
Pap: Nobody.
Liam: You can live with us!
Pap: I'll probably live in my shop out there.
Dada: Yeah, marry your table saw.
Pap: Haha! If I could find a younger one...

Damon, 6, from the back seat, singing to the "We Are Farmers" commercial: You're the best mom ever...
Mama waits for the dum da dum dum dum dum DUM 
Damon: uh, but that isn't fair to Zita...

Carrie to Alexis: John still hasn't wrotten me back.
Mama overheard: Carrie. "Wrotten"? You're in EIGHTH GRADE. "Wrotten?!"
Carrie to Alexis: John still hasn't emailed me back.

Damon: Mama, I'm six and a half! Are you forty and a half?
Mama: Yes. Actually I'm more like forty and three fourths.
Damon: And then you'll be fifty!
Mama: ... noooooo, then I'll be forty-ONE, thank you very much.

On fears, thirteen year old Carrie yammers on, explaining. Then, to sum up, "but probably bees."

Mama, Halloween weekend, sipping hot coffee, hums in satisfaction to Dada: I love how that looks in there. Like it's been in there forever. The hutch.
Dada: Oh, I was gonna ask- the Christmas tree?
Mama makes a wry face: that HAS been there forever.

Damon, 6, on brushing his teeth and getting eyedrops: YOU'RE TORTURING ME! THIS IS THE WORST DAY THAT I'VE EVER HAD! And I mean THE WORST.

Damon, 6:  Do you like me better when my pupils are big? Am I cuter when my pupils are big?

Mama, losing patience with kids sloooooogging through homework, texts Rita to maintain sanity.
Rita: They are cute and have smushy kissable cheeks.
Mama: True. However I am going to CHOMP HIM!!!!
Rita: Haha! That is always satisfying.
Mama: Well, I meant to maim...

Dada, trying to pep-talk Carrie before a math test: Gimme an M. Gimme an A. Gimme a T. Gimme an H. What's that spell?
Carrie: Meth.
Mama shuts her eyes, reaching for coffee.
Carrie starts giggling as Dada peps on, unconcerned.
Dada noticing, stops.
Dada: What'd you say?
Mama begins humming "Signs"

Mama to a packing for summertime at Pap's Carrie: Carrie, wanna take the pink laundry thing?
Carrie: No, Pap has a dishwasher. Waitaminute.

Damon is commentating from the Old Lady Room while Mama makes lunch.
Mama: Tell me nobody's on the Wii...
Damon: I am on the Wii!
Mama: DAMON.
Damon, singsong: Just kidding.
Mama: Child. There will be beatings.
Damon: Yay! I get to beat you up, too. Free for all!

Carrie: Mom, what's Kona Ice?
Mama shrugs.
Carrie: If I sold 3 magazines last night, the ice cream trucks pulled up but one, I didn't know what Kona Ice was, and three I didn't sell three. *pause* WAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Dada, trying to open a bottle of wine, experiences a cork break. Trying to get it out, it falls farther in. After trying a longer corkscrew, both cork and corkscrew drop into the full bottle of wine. 
Grandmama: what now?
Dada: Grrr. Now we get something to pour the wine in.

July 2015-November 2015 Quotes

Either I am WAAAAAAY behind or I already posted this on A Contingent of Kurths. Either way, enjoy!

Mama: Dada, hit a turkey on the way to work...
Damon: Did he eat it??

Mama is tickling Carrie with freezing cold hands. Complaining, she says, "you're cold"
"I know. It's less than 70 inside and less than 70 outside. And I'm cold blooded." Mama sticks out her tongue like a snake. Carrie, "really?" Mama cracks up. Carrie, "not cool."

Liam, nine and thirty-five thirty-sixths: where's the plutonium jelly?

In Canada, seeing signs.
Mama: is it /sor-tee/ or /sor-tee-ay/ for "sortie/exit"?
Dada: Uh, I dunno. I always thought it was /sor-tee/ but I could be /sor-tee/ wrong.

Carrie, indignant: I know that vocab!
Mama: No, you don't.
Carrie: Yes, I do!
Mama: What's an atom?
Carrie: It's made up of positrons and negatrons...
Mama: NO, IT'S NOT!
Carrie: Bwhahahaha!

Mama: Why do you have art all over your arm?
Carrie: We all do.
Mama: If all your friends jumped off a cliff, would you jump off too?
Carrie: Yes. Yes, I would. All my friends are in 8th grade.
Mama: ...

Liam: Generally speaking, Grandmama, you're not really all that old.

Damon: You're tuwning brown.
Mama: Hmm. I must be eating lots of chocolate. How much chocolate do you think Zita eats?
Damon: All of it.

Mama: Carrie, come rescue this stinkbug.
Carrie: Justaminute.
Damon: I'll get it! *pause* Ow! It kicked me! Carrie, can you get it? It'll kick me again!
Dada: Carrie, come get it or I'll "rescue it"...

Carrie: What is that?
Mama: It's Grey Poupon.
Carrie: WHAT?! Poop on?! ...(As Mama heads to the quote board) No, wait! Why do IIIII have all the inappropriate ones?!
Dada: Junior high brain.

Carrie, shooing fruit flies.
Mama sniggers.
Carrie: GO AWAY! There's like 20 of them! *inhales sharply, then slaps hand against her nose*
Mama: Go blow.

Mama: Do you ever make chicken stock like from real chickens?
Grandmama: No. That's why God gave us Swanson's.

To Mama, who's been painting: 
Liam: You look better in your bikini than in anything else. Which is weird. Cuz you can see more of your skin.

Liam: Do you know the Canadian language?
Dada: Yup.
Liam, astounded: Really!?!?!

Dada singing, "it's the ennnnnd of the world as we know it"
Damon retorts: You don't know that!!

At Manoj and Priscilla's, Mama admires the paint in the bedroom: I wonder what they call this green.
Dada: Pea pod sprout on a spring day under a full moon!
Mama: ...!

Carrie: She wants to know where we get these green beans.
Mama: Del Monte, Blue Lake, Cut Green Beans. Kroger. Walmart. Meijer.
Carrie, examining her Tupperware: Where does it say that?... Oh.... They don't come in this....

Dada: What?!
Mama: I said, "are you patting my candy pants?"
Dada: I THOUGHT I heard "are you panting my canteen?" Hehe!

Grandmama: and I brought Dada some pickles...
Damon breaks into the Hallelujah chorus.
Grandmama and Mama exchange mystified giggles.

Zita: How do you survive so many school nites?? I have one a week and wondering if humans self combust!

Carrie sneezes.
Mama: God bless you!
Carrie: Thank you!
Grandmama: I hope your sneeze germs all run right back up your arm!
Mama: Hahahah! That's not very nice!
Grandmama: If they'd wanted some sweet old granny they should've picked somebody else.

Grandmama: Are those suns?
Damon: No, they're spiders.
Grandmama: Why are they up in the sky?
Damon: See, they have 8. Suns have 10.
Grandmama and Mama: ...

Liam: Do you think there's such a thing as a himicane? *pause* Because there's a hurricane...

Carrie: Are you allowed to drink when you have kids?
Mama: Howdoyouthinkwegetthroughparenting?
Carrie: What?
Mama: Never mind.
Carrie: That's how they survive parentinghood?
Mama grins.

Mama, squeezing Damon tight during love: Mmmmmm, squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze the Bebeeeeeeee!
Damon, squeaking: Aaaaahhhh! You'll squish my brains out and pop my bones out of me!

Grandmama: Carriiiiiiiieeeee Maaaaaaayyyy... I didn't drive all this way to come look at your bum (under covers, not getting out of bed the last day of summer vacation)

Grandmama, replying to emails: Valerie, if I ever get like this and you don't shoot me, it's your own doggone fault.

Mama: Damon, go brush your teeth.
Damon: Hold on, I'm decorationing.

Mama, disgruntled over Damon losing hoodie and Liam losing lunch box: Gonna send you two to school in a barrel!
Carrie: Hope they lose it...
Mama: !!!

Carrie, hollering: Maaaaamaaaaaaaaaa, canIpeeintheOldLadyRoom?
Mama: No.
Damon: AAAAAAAAAAAAAIEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHH! NooOOOOoooooOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Mama, astounded: I said, "no!"
Damon: Oh, whew. I thought you said, "yes"
(Is Dada home from New Zealand YET!?)

Damon, singing: I'm sixty and I know it...

Damon, 5: Skeletor and Stinkinfind (naming his drawings)

Damon, singing again: We found a callipitter... we found a callipitter....

                                 ***

"How volatile and untrustworthy memory is. How naive we are to depend on such a fragile, tempermental mechanism to keep our most important records straight." Jonathan Carroll's Bathing the Lion

I Spy with My Little Eye...

Damon's been on an I Spy kick lately. Usually he and Liam play together; they have their sibling-thing going on in that they don't actually SEE the things they're describing. For instance:

Damon: I spy wif my wittle eye somefing what's WED.
Liam: Santa's hat!
Damon: YES! Youw tuwn.

So after a few rounds of losing badly, I started kissing and nibbling Damon. It's one of my favorite things to do, so he's used to it. He claimed it was my turn.

Mama: I spy with my little eye something DELICIOUS!
Damon: It's meeeeee!
Mama: Yes! *proceeds to kiss and nibble his sweet face*
Damon, holding my face between his hands: Dewe is no dewicious in da game, Mama.

After a few more rounds, Carrie was directly behind me. Think of "keep-away" in basketball. I took my turn.

Mama: I spy with my little eye something ANNOYING.
Damon, from across the house: CAWWIE!
Carrie and I burst into laughter to a chorus of Damon's: Is it wight? Is it wight? IS DAT WIGHT!?

You got it, kid.